how many of you had panic attacks when you were a jw and when leaving?
i know of many jw women and a few men who suffered badly with panic attacks.
since recently having another spate of panic attacks i suddenly realised that i had been having them all my life.
Ominous anxt and imminent doom became a self-fulfilling prophesy within the family I grew up in. They haunted me for years, but only finally manifested themselves as a full-blown state of anxiety after I felt compelled to leave whatever I had held on to till the very last, realizing it had all been for nothing and my God was not there to make sense of it.
VG
i just wanted to take a minute and express the appreciation i feel for this place.
simon and angharad, thanks to you two for putting up with the crap necessary to keep this place available to disenfranchised outcasts like me.
also, thanks to the forum administrators who work to keep the place relatively cordial and welcoming.. but really, this forum would be nothing without the posters.
Yes, the value of the many viewpoints here is humbling; even life changing perhaps. I'm often awed by the insights, expertise and information.
Our shared history as idealistic members of tightly knit group makes for a special bond; it would be a shame to let that part go to waste.
The WTS seems to have spat out some very special (truth-loving?) independant thinkers. Communicating here without the pitfalls of the prejudices of outside appearances imo only serves to deepen that bond. Many of you I would consider as friends - without ever having met. I often wish I could meet and talk to many of you in person; to get to know you even better. If any of you ever visit Amsterdam - drop me a line.
Thank you all!
VG
here are a few snapshots(out of 550) of what we encountered while vacationing in the upper peninsula of michigan last week.
if you've never been there, it is definitely worth the trip to see - even for us lp michiganders.. .
kayaking in the seney national wildlife refuge.
Sooooo jealous of your pristine space and wide unspoilt nature!
Greetings from a crowded Amsterdam in a small built up country with nothing on the horizon but a multitude of motorways.
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and remind someone how glad you are they are here...(i'll start).
jw_researcher...this bud's for you.
Thanks for this board, all the people that feel like friends and everyone that has helped me. Wish I could meet some of you...
VG
what does christian mean anyway?
doesnt it mean a follower of christ.....a man?
arent "we" supposed to be followers of god and not man?
Great post Tex:
“For some, belief is perhaps the most difficult thing to ask.”
“The idea of grace is tempting, very tempting, and yet I need more (for lack of a better term) proof before I can go so far… I want to understand spirituality before this life is over. I can't help but feel I'm missing something.”
Shazard said: “Common. It is so simple. Christian is one who believes in Jesus Christ and has relationship with him as his big brother, saviour, king, friend, helper, protector etc. And "believe in Jesus Christ" is to believe in his Words and to believe that his Words are sayed to you personally. And to believe that he is Son of God. That is ethernal life! As Jesus Christ is ethernal life.”
Shazard, it NOT simple; that is what this thread is all about. Tex concisely stated WHY it is not simple: “When a child of abuse goes through the same dynamic, they will ask for one thing: Please make it stop. When that prayer goes unanswered, the impact is tremendous. It is an empty, lonely feeling.”
The problem is that belief is perhaps the most difficult thing to ask from those to whom distrust has become a hard-wired survival instinct – those who have had their most sincere beliefs and everything they held sacred about God and ultimate justice, often the very things that made them cling on to the WTS, discredited by that organization they entrusted themselves to, only to be spat out – those very vulnerable ones that actually cry out for a big brother, savior, king, friend, helper, protector etc. For those, believing is perhaps the most scariest things of all. The risk of being left yet again with an empty, lonely feeling might be just too much to bear.
-------------------------
Jesus said: "Because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed.” Yes, seeing is superfluous, but a gap remains to be bridged somehow. Why are many exjdubs on this board who turn to Christ not able to cross whatever divide after many years of prayer?
VG
i am going away for awhile to try to heal my heart.
since my dfing i have tried so hard to make sense of what has happened to me.
to see it from the society's view and from freedom's view.
Thank you for your kind-hearted contributions.
"I have tried to see everything from everyones point of view. I understand it. I value it. But I am exhausted from the effort."
Yes, I agree. In the end we can only find inner strength and conviction from within. I wish for you to be regenerated by it to find inner joy.
I should move on as well - but right now I would miss all of you too much. You will be greatly missed by many of us too.
Please check in again whenever this might be of benefit when exploring your path and climbing your bridges - or when you have done so to your satisfaction, come sit by this river once in a while so that we may be enriched by YOUR view of it.
VG
i actually wrote this late last night and when i tried to submit it i was rejected.
the reason for that is still a mystery to me and i vowed not to rewrite it as it would mean visiting myself and that is never easy.
sometimes as i look through the site and read to many posts i marvel at the beauty of the words and the complexity of the reasoning.
Cab,
Thank you for sharing despite the tangible pain of revisiting. Never mind the so-called eloquence of others in writing; you spoke well, straight from the heart.
Yes, the 70s were not the best of times for a jdub to graduate. Age and the passage of years can easily make for melancholy when at this point in time looking back at those years. But please remember this is not uncommon for people in general.
Looking at, or comparing ourselves to, others all the time can cause a lot of unhappiness and discontentment. Yes, there are many brilliant posters here. There will always be those that are or appear to be better than others. They tend to stand out; perhaps tend to post more often. But is it realistic to focus on them? In reality you are not alone by far. We are with you.
Also, many of the “kids” on this board are in a much more favorable position: In this day and age it is much more common to attend college, if not an outright necessity. Times and circumstances have changed; young people are more independent and mature at an earlier age, the org is becoming less appealing as the years go by, there is much more information from books and the internet exposing the WTS, enabling them to get out earlier and make up for a few lost years. They are/were often luckier.
Do not allow your spark to be killed or your spirit to be crippled. Your spirit determines your true value for it is all you have in the end. Its value is not primarily determined by a college education. But if you feel its true potential has not yet been realized, and needs to be nurtured, fed and further developed by any kind of learning, then replace bitterness with immediate action and shine bright in the many remaining years of life. If you do, it will be that much more valuable and defining of who you are, because of sheer inner strength and fortitude instead of mere fortune and circumstance.
Fill the void with renewed aspirations and ideals. It is a precondition for spontaneity, joy, and being in touch with touch with yourself.
VG
a question for leolaia, peaceful pete, narkissos, and/or any others who might know this:.
in this week's "what does the bible really teach" book study lesson, the appendix that is covered talks about the famous "70 weeks of years" prophecy of daniel 9:25. the society claims that the "69 weeks" runs from 455 bce to 29 ce, coinciding with jesus' baptism.. they derive the 455 bce date as "the 20th year of the reign of artaxerxes".
they claim that "historians agree that" artaxerxes began his reign in 474 bce.. i did a quick google search, and found absolutely nothing even remotely hinting at 474 bce as a beginning date for anyone.
Wasn't the book of Daniel also written at the beginning of the second century AD - after Christ..?
so after a very, very slow process, thinking over things that were stored in a little box in a corner of my mind, i've decided to finally confirm or deny all the doubts i've had about the society.
i'm a 34 year-old married man, work as an it consultant, with two kids, ages 9 and 2. i was "born" in the organization.
so i took everything as true, never questioned anything, and did all that was asked from me.
Welcome to the board kirc!
VG
another thread inspired by me chatting with our sweet little mary.... we who have exited the jehovahs witnesses religion, are now convinced we made the right move.
most of us have no doubt this religion is a destructive, cultlike religion that we wouldn't wish on anybody....and yet,.
....we still suffer the effects it had on us.
Hmmmm... Interesting avenue Jgnat. First reaching out, doing meaningful work, giving... I will think about that.
